The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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