the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
