Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
