im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
