Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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