Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
