you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
