He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
