There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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