Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
