I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
