I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
