I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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