The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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