we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
