At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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