yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
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