He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
