i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize