I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
