Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
