are you still at the devil's house?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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