His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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