bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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