Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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