I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
