dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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