He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
