everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
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Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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