I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
