he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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