Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
