you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize