I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
