I wanna bring you to show and tell
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
