Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
