I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
