the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i will never coherently bang her
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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