I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We don't watch enough power rangers
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
