When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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