if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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