You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
