There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
