my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
