you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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