did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
why didn't you poke me back
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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