I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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