dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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