he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
