And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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