call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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