Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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