Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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