Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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