Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize