who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
