I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize