Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
