speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
well you can't waste a boner
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
