i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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