Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
