meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
