So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
