walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
