I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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