marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
