wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
